Carl, Heather, and I played some no-limit Texas Hold ‘em last night. We all sat at the same table. Anyway, the night started out great, as I intimidated everyone out of their chips with my “give me all your money” and “Oh, OH YEAH, THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ‘BOUT” jests. (Apparently I turn into an asshole when playing poker.)

Anyway, some old dude who pretended to be new at this whole poker thing what with all its big blind, little blind…bullshit…get me another whiskey sour…You know I have to blow into a device to start my car because I got a DUI last year…So is this the flop or river... Thank God I have a motorcycle…

Let me just tell you, I had three queens, and he effing took me for all I was worth with a flush. Who the hell gets flushes? Drunken jackasses, that’s who. He took Carl’s dough, too, but I didn’t care so much about that.

Heather went on to get 4th out of 60 some odd people that played that evening.
Heather sux0rz.